Our pastor is preaching/teaching on a series he’s entitled, Labels. We’ve been learning about how our language can impact others and… ourselves and how we, then, think of ourselves. We get “labeled” because others are always commenting about us. This brought to mind something I read recently. The author was exhorting us to know when to be quiet.
A lady wrote that her pregnant daughter chose to cut her very long hair to stylishly short. She was trying to get used to her new look when they ran into a friend. “Oh no!” her friend wailed. “What did you do to your hair? I don’t like it!” Then as if to rationalize her words, she quickly added, “Oh you know me. I’m a ‘Truth-teller.'” As the women walked away, the daughter snorted, “I could’ve done without the truth today!”
You have to be aware of that critical moment in your conversation when you’re faced with a choice: Do you say what you’re thinking? OR… do you zip it?!
We keep hearing that “being real” and “telling it like it is” is good for relationships. Reality TV, confessions on talk shows and tweeting the “truth” helps convince us (from a worldly perspective) that it’s OK to be authentic.
But… here’s what I know about myself. See if this is you, too! If I say everything I think, I can slay people in my life. And just because I think something— doesn’t necessarily make it true.
A good question to ask yourself when found in that situation is: “Is it helpful OR hurtful to the person or our relationship? Will my truthfulness build them up or tear them down?” The timing and the tone of any “truthful” comment is a critical aspect, too. It’s really unfair to make a comment when the other person is in NO position to do anything to fix the problem at that moment. For example, I want to know if my fly is open if I’m out in public! My wife helps me out in that case. But… with the tables turned and I were to tell her that she has a big grease spot on her blouse as we’re walking into church is only going to make her self-conscious the rest of the morning. Timing and tone is everything. I remind people all the time that what you say is not nearly as important as how you say it.
The Bible says in Proverbs that, “Fools vent… the wise quietly hold it back.” Knowing when not to speak is often more important than knowing what to say. That’s what Paul had in mind when he wrote to the church at Ephesus: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. Speak only what is helpful for building others up… that it may benefit those who listen.” (Eph. 4:29)
